What I learned from a stay-at-home dad

Last week the hubs and I switched roles – he stayed home with Gemma all week while I put in a week of contract work that had me downtown all day. I call this post “what I learned from a stay-at-home dad” because that week was enlightening, to say the least.

When we first decided that I would pick up this work, I could tell Matt was a little nervous about a full week taking care of Gemma without any relief.  Up until then, he’d probably only had her for one full day max. Looking after a toddler can be draining, so I suggested we hire a babysitter for a couple mornings. You know, give him a break and let him do something for himself. Matt wasn’t too keen on that idea, and I get it – It  sounded like I wasn’t confident in his parenting abilities, which isn’t true, but I must admit, I was worried about what shape he’d be in after a full week! Alternatively we decided that Gemma could spend some time at her grandparents through the week to give Matt the breather he might need; however, as we got closer to last week, we ended up having a death in the family and my parents flew to Ontario for the funeral. Matt was going to be on his own. Dun, dun, dun!

When the week finally came, I must admit I was looking forward to coming home each night and having my husband bow down before me, praising me for all my efforts in taking care of the home and Gemma. But instead of a flustered husband, a burnt supper, in a toddler-trashed house, I came home to a collected husband who had made a lovely dinner in a perfectly toddler-trashed house (there’s no superpower to counteract a toddler’s mess making abilities). Immediately I thought, man, he’s better at this than me! I kept asking him how the day went; he just seemed too positive and relaxed.

And guess what, to my disappointment, the rest of the week went just a smoothly (I know, I feel awful being so honest).

So I’ve decided that instead of resenting my husband for being so awesome at my job, haha, that I might as well learn from him.  Here’s a few takeaways:

1.)    RELAX. My husband has a pretty relaxed nature. As he says, “my highs don’t get too high, and my lows don’t get too low.” Now that’s a picture of mental health! I could tell that he didn’t let the day-to-day challenges/struggles/annoyances/frustrations of parenting a toddler get to him too much. There were temper tantrums, meals that went uneaten, and messes made, but he seemed to let them roll off his back instead of holding on to them and letting them build up inside. I, on the other hand, like to bank my frustrations and let them earn interest. Not a wise investment.
 

2.)    Make a to-do-list. I had given my husband a couple things I’d like him to complete this summer, and he decided to bite off one of the projects this week. I wasn’t too sure if he would complete it, but he did! He kept a manageable mental to-do-list of what he had to accomplish each day and took the opportune moments to do it. I, on the other hand, try to accomplish everything at once, and find myself frenetically going from playing with Gemma, to cooking, to cleaning, to starting a project, to changing a diaper, all in a matter of half an hour. It gets exhausting. A to-do-list, especially a small one, is a good idea.

3.)     Take advantage of time to yourself. My husband actually had down-time that week. That was really annoying! I asked him about it, and he said that once he accomplished what was on his manageable to do list, he just sat down and read, or watched tv, or went on twitter. Seriously, it’s that easy? Moms, if you’re like me, I think overestimate the importance of doing things for our families and underestimate the importance of relaxing and recharging ourselves. A frazzled mommy snaps, and well, that’s just dangerous. And so, after I write this blog, I am taking my husband’s advice and sitting down with a coffee and doing nothing. Or, at least I’ll try.

4.)    Housework is optional. It’s ok if your toilets go uncleaned this week. No one cleaned our toilets the week I was working and we all survived.

5.)    Working full-time is not for me. Ok, so this is sort of a lesson I taught myself. Coming home each night and having missed out on every story, every game, every adorable moment—well, that was just brutal. I’ve been teaching part-time since Gemma was one, and it isn’t easy juggling it all, but at least I have some extra time home with Gemma each school day. Not having this time was really tough, and it provided some of the clarity I needed about career decisions. In particular, being a full-time working mother is not for me. I need the balance between work and home.

But the most important lesson I learned was to LET GO. The world keeps spinning on its axis without mommy at home. What a relief.

I’ll finish with a quote from my husband, reflecting on staying home:

“One day, simple. One week, doable. One month, painful. One year, brutal. The rest of my life, no thank you.”

It’s a good thing I’m happy to stay at home part-time.

To stay-at-home moms AND dads,
♥ Dion