Just hold on a little longer Momma

On Friday night I had the sweetest moment with my daughter. That evening we had been out at a bonfire with a bunch of young families from our church.  We had a great time and Gemma was in her glory—running around the backyard, playing with the dog, looking at the horses, watching the big kids. There she could let her tiny free spirit run wild. 

Towards the end, however, she was done. Tapped out. Crying, back-arching – the whole bit. We slipped away and took her home to get her straight to bed.  No bath, no book, no teeth brushing (oops!). Simply her bottle and cuddles with me.  Normally when she finishes her bottle I hold her for a moment, pray for her and set her right in bed awake. But this evening when she finished her milk she looked directly up at me and snuggled into my chest, taking me back to our first moments together 16 months ago.

I’ll never forget the look in Gemma’s eyes when Matt placed her beside me in the hospital bed in the surgery recovery ward.  When she first heard my voice her dark newborn eyes locked right on mine. I could tell from her stare that she was thinking “Now that’s my mom! That’s whose voice I’ve heard the last 9 months. That’s who’s been with me all along”. It was that moment that made all the stress of her delivery and all the pain that was to come the following days ultimately worth it.

On Friday night Gemma looked up at me with those same eyes. But this time she was saying, “That’s my mom! She’s the one who’s always there. Mom, tonight, just hold on to me a little longer.”  Unlike our usual routine, that evening there was no putting her right in the crib. I let her snuggle in and rest on my shoulder for a long time. Through her window shade I watched the Alberta sun make its late descent, turning the room’s blue hue dark. We rocked back and forth, back and forth, until she was in a deep, deep sleep. From somewhere—her hair, my scarf—the smoky bonfire scent lingered. It was one of those all-too rare moments us busy moms relish –rocking my not-quite-a-baby, not-quite-a-toddler, just like the early days.  

In the serene moment Gemma gave me a gentle reminder: Just hold on to me a little longer. I won’t stay little for long.

♥ Dion